Did They Feel Loved Today?

Last night, a little after midnight, I finally went to bed.

It hadn’t been a bad day, just a busy and exhausting one.  In fact, I felt really good about everything I had gotten done…
…fed the kids
…homeschooled the kids
…washed the kids
…reminded the kids about Jesus
…swept and re-swept floors
…picked up and re-picked up toys
…planned dinners for the week
…bought groceries
…got lost in Texas (our new home as of last week) and found my way back
…unpacked several boxes (that mysteriously seem to be multiplying)
…washed, dried, folded, and put away clothes
…went on a walk around our new neighborhood WHILE pushing a double stroller and wearing a front carrier…totally got lost again

Seriously, it was a lot for one day.  And my feet were killing me.

I wish I owned one of those FitBit things.  I would love to know how many steps I walk each day inside my own house.  Judging by the way I felt last night, it had to have been several miles.

But the afterglow from reliving all the day’s accomplishments didn’t last very long.

As I was mentally calculating everything I had gotten done that day, I started feeling more and more like maybe I totally blew it.  Like maybe I had traded in the best thing for a good thing.  I started wondering if my kids had felt loved that day.

I began to agonize.  “I washed clothes, cleaned floors, and bought groceries.  But did I love on the kids?  Did I actually turn and look at them when they came to talk to me as I was cleaning the bathroom?  Or did I make it seem like the toilets in my house were more important than them??”

Now obviously, I love my children.  I would die for them a thousand times.  And they know that their mommy loves them.  But I don’t want days like yesterday to add up…to start becoming the norm around here.  I don’t want to go to bed at night wondering if I made my children feel special that day.

It’s easy to do, fill up the minutes with must-do’s…there are things around the house that are literally my responsibility.  It’s also easy to tell myself that what I’m doing at that moment – washing, cooking, organizing – IS loving my children.  And it is.  It definitely is!  Kids  (and husbands, for that matter) need their mommas to keep the house functioning.

But at what point am I giving my heart and soul to the functionality of a house??

This is a hard thing for people like me.  I am a Martha…a worker bee…more “doer” than “relational.”  I can’t walk through a room and not pick up something, or take a stroll through the yard without heading back to the trashcan with a pile of weeds I pulled.  I love order and efficiency and, honestly, I really enjoy old fashioned yard work.

And because the world is broken and full of dust bunnies and weeds and leaky faucets, I could fill every second of my day trying to maintain the order that I so crave in my home.  There is not enough time to do everything that actually could be done.  And that fact is an unattractive one to a Martha like me.

All of you people-loving Mary’s out there, I would much rather have the regrets that maybe you fall asleep with at night.  Regrets like, “Aw man!  I played with the kids way too much today and never got around to folding the underwear.”  What a charming weakness!

I’m not despairing of the desires and abilities that the Lord gave me, but I do want to find a balance.  I want to take care of my home, not worship it.  I want to gain the wisdom that tells me when it’s time to put down the dirty dish and go outside to play with my children.  I want to fall asleep at night knowing that my kids felt loved that day.

Praise Jesus for his daily new mercy!  It calms my fears and my regrets to know that I can start over tomorrow.  And with the resolve in my heart that I want to give myself to eternal matters – like my Savior and my children – the look and efficiency of my home isn’t as tempting to idolize.

I want my precious children to feel loved by their momma always.

How Do You Fight Against The Temptation To Always Be Doing?

Related posts that you might enjoy:

• When My Bathrooms Are Cleaner Than My Heart
• So That My Children Won’t Despair Of Scripture
• Out Of The Abundance Of My Heart My Child’s Mouth Speaks

Lauren Souers

Hi, my name is Lauren. I am the wife of one fine man and the momma of four (huge) young children – three boys and one princess! I love all of them. I mostly clean up messes and feed people all day, and it’s really fun to write about it. Jesus is the rock of my family – we love and serve a mighty King! I hope you leave here full of hope that “tired” can be good.