One Disheveled Momma

Call it a rut…a motherhood valley…a bad tired…any of those sum me up pretty accurately.

I am pregnant for the 4th time – happily, by the way – and I feel like…well, like I’ve lost my marbles.  And all of my metabolism.  And the ability to do much more than keep the children in my house alive.

This is not what I want!  I want my energy back, the physical and mental kind.  I want to stay up later than 9:00.  I desperately want to be inspired…by sermons and interesting conversations and books.

But I.  Am.  Weary.

And I don’t think it’s the kind of tired that I can just ignore and push through – like I’ve always done in the past.  No, this tired is deeply humbling.  Deeply sanctifying.  And I am dying to find good in it.

This is what I’ve found…

That my five-year-old son is my loyal caregiver.
What a treasure my Rudy is.  Without these difficult months, I would have never known, never seen, how deep his love runs.  I constantly am finding dishes washed, lunches set out on the table, and order being maintained by my rough and tumble son.  He looks ahead to what needs to be done and he helps me.  Truly.  I am in love with the little man that God has and is creating.

That I was very, very busy.
I am a do-er…work comes much more naturally to me than relationships.  I don’t mind chores, especially the strenuous kind.  So a few months ago, when all of my typical day-to-day chores pretty much came to a halt, I became much less busy.  Nowadays I sit.  A LOT.  But, you know what I’ve discovered??  That when I sit, I get to watch my children!  Instead of working alongside them – which was fun, too – now I’m watching, really watching.  And I’m learning them.  What gifts my children are!

That this season is not so bad.
If there’s one thing that I’ve been able to do a lot of during my energy blight, it’s read.  WWII novels, blogs, cookbooks…I’ve been filling a lot of my time reading a lot of different stuff.  And God has shaken me awake through some of it.  There is a blog I follow, a blog that I highly recommend:  MundaneFaithfulness.com.  It is written by Kara Tippets, a godly wife and mother of four who doesn’t have long to live.  She has been battling cancer for years and now she is nearing the end of her fight.  She loves her husband and children and does not want to leave them.  But her love for Jesus surpasses all.  My faith and contentment and thankfulness have been greatly influenced by her walk with the Lord.  The season that I am in, as inconvenient as it may seem, is not a drudgery.  It is not a platform for complaining.  It is where God my Father has me, and because of that, it’s okay.

I don’t have my ducks in a row right now.  And it will probably be a while before my house is dusted and I’m cooking non-crockpot meals again.  (even though some of my favorite recipes are in the crockpot!! 🙂 )  All that matters is where my focus and trust is…is it on the return of my energy and abilities?…or on the steadfast love and faithfulness of King Jesus?

So as hard as this is for me to do, I need to relax.  I will work to the extent that the Lord allows and I will trust Him that there is no condemnation when it comes to the deficit in the housework.  My body and even my mind may be weary, but my heart doesn’t have to be.  Our God is a God of life!  He is daily breathing joy and peace into Kara’s dying body, so I know He can – and will! – do it to my tired one as well.

Every season comes with difficulties that have the potential of stealing your hope and your joy.  What season are you in right now?  Can you see Jesus in it?

Lauren Souers

Hi, my name is Lauren. I am the wife of one fine man and the momma of four (huge) young children – three boys and one princess! I love all of them. I mostly clean up messes and feed people all day, and it’s really fun to write about it. Jesus is the rock of my family – we love and serve a mighty King! I hope you leave here full of hope that “tired” can be good.