I recently attended a function at our church called “Mommy Bootcamp”. For several hours one Saturday, all of the young/new moms sat under the teaching, encouragement, and wisdom of older, seasoned mothers. The result? Conviction. Reassurance. And new ideas!
I learned so much, and there was so much information thrown out, that it felt like trying to drink from a gushing fire hydrant. Lots of good stuff coming at you, but only a little bit actually gets in.
So rather than become overwhelmed by an information-overload, or try to implement all the new mommy tips all at once, I decided to stick with just two or three things that really stood out to me.
I want to share with you what I learned in my favorite session of the Mommy Bootcamp. A very humble, sweet woman gave a talk entitled, “Dealing With Mommy Anger”. Not what you expected? Well, it wasn’t my favorite because it was an easy-to-hear, funsy talk. Rather, it was a convicting, heart-changing lesson that God used deeply (almost instantly!) in my life.
I want to explain something first, though, before I jump into her message. This lesson, “Dealing With Mommy Anger”, is a heart/attitude issue. She is not speaking of physical abuse or anything involving uncontrollable outward anger. Ok, now let’s get started:
Dealing With Mommy Anger, by Heather O.
(this is my own shortened summary of her session)
As a mommy, sinful anger can manifest itself in very sneaky ways. So sneaky, in fact, that most people (especially ourselves!) wouldn’t even think that you struggle with anger. But if you have young children, and you are honest with yourself, it won’t take long before you can admit that sinful anger is lodged somewhere in your heart.
Heather started out with a few examples of that “subtle” sinful anger:
- A constant state of annoyance
- Rolling your eyes
- Sighing
- Unkind or impatient words
How convicting! How many of us don’t participate in at least one of these modes of anger daily?!?
So what is at the root of this anger? Obviously, we love and adore our children; so, our anger probably has very little to do with them and has almost everything to do with us.
According to Heather, anger arises when our passions or desires are not met. (James 4:1) When my ruling desire is to relax and read a book, yet my 3-year-old wants me to play blocks with him, my emotions are instantly and naturally provoked to a sinful attitude. Whether I give in to that temptation or not is up to me.
So what is your ruling desire? Through prayer and the grunt work of rooting out sin, our desires can become holy and honorable! What’s ironic, I think, is that my desire is for my desire to be godly! 🙂 I want to love my children more than myself, I want my words to offer encouragement and wisdom, and I want to build up my house rather than tear it down.
Heather mentioned a couple of great tools to use when it comes to that grunt work of rooting out sinful anger.
One tool is an anger journal. Every time she would feel herself getting angry or frustrated, she would write it down in a notebook. At the end of the day she would reread it, and found that she would get angry over the stupidest things! A very thought-provoking comment she made was “A lot of the time, I was getting angry over something they did that wasn’t even a sin. They just messed up because they’re young.” My heart bleeds at this statement! How often have I grown weary of my toddler’s toddler-ness??
The other tool she mentioned was a flipbook of specific Bible verses. She made a little notecard book of verses that encouraged her to speak with gentleness, value others above herself, and persevere in patience. She would carry these wherever she went and read them often, refreshing her mind with truth. I have since made one of these books, and used the same verses she did:
- Galatians 5:22-23
- Matthew 5:3-10
- Proverbs 12:18
- Romans 14:19
- Proverbs 16:32
- Proverbs 29:11
- Romans 12:18
- 2 Timothy 2:22
It has been truly helpful in my battle against anger.
The rest of the talk was filled with wisdom and encouragement to battle against sinful anger and rest in the promises and grace of God. She offered many practical tips, and I’ll share just a couple of my personal favorites with you:
Create “yes” situations.
I love this statement! Nobody likes to be told “no” all the time, especially toddlers! Obviously, this is not meaning that I turn into a doormat. But there are ways to avoid or redirect situations into a happier outcome for everyone.
Speak positively about your child around others.
It’s so easy to partake in “mommy gossip”. And really, how beneficial is it to myself or others? Speaking negatively about my child (even in a “humorous” way) does nothing but fuel my own discouragement and bring down others. So convicting!
I hope that this talk was as impactful for you as it was for me. I love my Savior, I love my husband, and I love my children. I pray that every day I am more like Jesus than I was the day before.
“Messy Cup” Photo: Brett Lider
